Sunday, December 6, 2009

The sermon on the Mars

The sermon on the Mars
Behold here comes the TRUTH. Reading conditions apply: Girls do not read. You people are omniscient so why strain your eyes. Guys above 23 and still single, by all means read.Guys who are not single, you know you have better things to do. It's not worth the read.

Ok here it comes……..
How does it all start? It starts on that sunny day, when you see her, with her pretty hair and face, oblivious of your existence, chatting with some of her friends. That pretty smile just bowls you over. The world around you starts to move in slow motion. You tell yourself that this is the girl who was made for you. "kae jaisae tujhko banaya gaya hain mere liyae….."
You find excuses to get near her. You laugh stupidly whenever she is around. You try to come up with something witty and end up cracking some sick jokes. You silently wish to God that you find one common link. Same project, same club, same assignment, same specialization, anything. You stare at her and wait for her to look at you for an opportunity to wave and smile at her. One day you find her taking the stairs and you grab the opportunity to spend some time (proportional to the number of floors she intends to climb) with her. You silently thank God and see this as a sure sign that even God is on your side in this.
You tell yourself and your friends," No, I am not desperate or anything. If it is meant to happen then it'll happen. I just want to be her friend for now".
Let ask you people some simple questions.
1)      Do you look back to see her face as you pass any girl on the road?
2)      Do you become very conscious about what you are talking, when you are around with girls?
3)      Do you think that staying moody or overreacting would actually make a girl interested in you, when in a group?
4)      You ask a girl for lunch or coffee and she agrees do you think that shows that she is interested?
5)      A girl sits besides you for lunch or while you are having coffee. Do you infer that she is interested in you?
6)      When a girl passes you then do you secretly wish that she'll look towards you and smile?
If answer to any of the above question is YES, then you are desperate for female company. You may as well admit it.
The girl understands everything all the time. Not because she actually is omniscient, but simply because she has been going through this "ordeal" since before she even realized that she was a girl.  She blissfully ignores every foolhardy behavior of the desperate genre.
"I never thought about us in that way. I thought we were just friends." This happens to be the ultimate shield that girls happen to possess. Guys are still at a loss to find out a suitable antidote for these words. This we'll call "THE SENTENCE".
 4-5 months down the line she ends up being the password of the hapless creature. 1year down the line, he starts looking for a new prospect to act funny again.
Weak hearted people stop right here. Girls I told you never to read it. You may as well quit now.

The sermon follows…..
A girl always has it too easy. They always have umpteen numbers of options in front of them. I sincerely hope that one day this scenario would change and guys will be in demand. That would be the day when the girl has to woo a guy to fall in love with her.
Well fantasies are fantasies. People will be left aghast if we quantify the amount of time an average person spends on wooing the opposite sex; the number of exams that have gone bad thinking about her or because you had to spend some time with her; the amount of money you have spend just to impress her. There are a very small percentage of guys who get the requisite return on investment. Others spend time, money, energy and then THE SENTENCE is thrown at him. He is left without any recourse.
Let me suggest you people a different course of action. Spend the same time, not even the same time, a small percentage of that time on some peers. Buy them a coffee, or a couple "vada pao", play some cards and you can create some friends who'll last your lifetime. Life will be much simpler. You would not have to explain every one of your actions in minutest detail. You would not have to try different methods to impress her every other day.  Guys enjoy independence. Enjoy the one thing for which Shahid Bhagat Singh, Lala Lajpat Rai, Netaji Subhash and many many others gave their lives.
Yes it is very important to follow your instincts, but for heavens sake after hearing THE SENTENCE one time, grow wiser, and do a very good cost benefit analysis, before putting your capital into any venture.

Just Kidding yaar…. ;-)

Kumar Krishanu Mukherjee.